My Theatre Award winner Ben Sanders headed up the first SNAG early in the season and I decided I'd take a risk and try out something different: a newscast. On a road trip to Stratford, I was listening to a lot of CBC's This is That and got inspired. I dubbed my skit "News on the Lake" and told a bunch of This Hour Has 22 Minutes-style jokes about current events. Much to my delight, the skit went over really well.
There have now been four SNAGs this season and I've done a "News on the Lake" segment at every one, so I've written probably about fifty to sixty jokes, forty of which have made it into the actual skits. I've been having a lot of fun doing it and am pretty proud of some of the bits I've concocted. It's been a fun challenge to write ten new jokes for every SNAG and to also look at the news and see how it could be twisted or poked at to make people smile.
Since I've enjoyed it so much - and the people seem to like it too - I thought I'd share some of my favourite jokes on here. A lot of the bits tend to be 'in-house' roasts or the like, so I've excluded those from the mix and just chosen a few gems that went over nicely or, at the very least, make me giggle.
So, here are this summer's top stories from around the lake, the country, and the globe:
Take Me Out to the Ballgame
49-year-old Wesley Warren has been much talked about lately due to his oversized scrotum, a condition known as “scrotal lymphedema”. American network TLC is covering
’s condition on a program
entitled “The Man with the 132-Pound Scrotum”. He’s not the only one to profit
from this situation, however. The surgeon who removed the excess tissue from
his groin has just been cast as the title role in ABT’s The Nutcracker. Warren
Prince William revealed this week that his son
is a bit of a rascal. Apparently
the young prince has trouble sleeping through the night and constantly soils
his diaper. Grandmother Camilla Parker-Bowles sympathized, saying it’s much the
same way with Prince Charles. Prince George
Pope John Paul II is on track to be the fastest canonized saint in modern history, beating Mother Theresa’s record of five years. Catholics looking to set their own canonization records should look to other categories such as: most inventive exit from a dragon; most body parts hacked off; and most days untouched in a brothel.
It’s My Parti and I’ll Decry If I Want To
The Parti Quebecois is under fire this week for trying to ban religious paraphernalia in the public sector. The attack comes mainly on headgear, such as hijabs and veils, but an “ostentatious crucifix” would also be banned. This is clearly a thinly-disguised attack on Muslims and Madonna.
Tweet Us This Day Our Daily Bread
Justin Bieber made headlines this week at the house of Anne Frank in
. Signing the guest book, he
wrote that he thought Anne “would have been a Belieber”. Canadian historian
Charlotte Gray speculates that other potential posthumous Beliebers include L M
Montgomery, Joey Smallwood, and Tecumseh. Amsterdam
If I Could Turn Back Time
Cialis Through the Looking Glass
man sued his doctor for a penile
implant gone wrong. Daniel Metzgar sued after he was left with an erection that
lasted for EIGHT MONTHS. He stated that he couldn’t dance with a partner, ride
his motorcycle, or wear normal clothes. On the bright side, he did win his
office’s Hallowe’en costume contest, going as Gepetto and Pinnochio at the same
time. New Jersey
Jump Into the Donor Pool
A recent ruling from Health Canada has broadened the donor pool at Canadian Blood Services. The controversial ban on men-who-sleep-with-men has been adjusted in a move that some have deemed "ground-breaking". The new ruling allows men-who-sleep-with-men to donate if they have not had sexual contact in five years. Health Canada is celebrating the move as it opens up the blood pool to literally tens of new donors.